Fear Not

Fear....it's something I've struggled with for a while. I remember dealing with it to some degree when I was younger. As I aged I became mature enough to talk myself out irrational thoughts and the fears just went away. They would creep up in different forms throughout high school and college but again I felt like I had fear under control. I used scripture and the truths in God's word to remind me that fear wasn't of God but of the devil. When Josh and I began dating and eventually marry I felt fear take root in my heart like never before. All through our relationship I could sense Satan against us (one reason I knew he was the one for me) and fear became his best weapon. All of a sudden I had more to lose. "What if..." this and "What if..." that? Now that my heart was tied to another person if something happened to him, bam, fear sets in. I prayed hard through these feelings. And the Lord gave me a verse that has become my life line:

"He (I) will have no fear of bad news. His (My) heart is steadfast trusting the Lord." Psalm 112: 7

God has been faithful and through lots of prayer and reciting this verse (and others) over and over I felt freed from fear. Sure, there'd be a thought creep up from time to time but I was no longer plagued by it. Whew! What a relief.

Fast forward to now...here I am pregnant...and you guessed it, fear! Thank goodness this isn't my first rodeo so I feel more able to stand up against the devil's schemes. But honestly the fear began before we even got pregnant.

• What if I can't get pregnant?
  
• What if my body is tricking me into thinking I'm pregnant?
  
• What if I miscarry?
  
• What if I go in for an US and there's no heartbeat?
  
• What if the baby is sick?
  
• What if I carry the baby full term and it doesn't live?
  
• And honestly, there's a "what if" for everything...

The thing about these fears is not that they are so far fetched that they could never happen. No, these are realities for some people and some of these people I know personally. Blogs, Twitter, Facebook, etc remind us that there are lots of really good people going through some really bad things! On any given day you'll see a tweet or a blog post asking you to pray for someone who is going through tragic circumstances. On one hand Facebook, Twitter, and blogs have made it easier to get thousands of people to pray together for God to move or heal or whatever the situation. That part is awesome. I confess though, most times I have to pray for those people without clicking on their blogs or websites. Sometimes an unhealthy fear creeps in my mind if I get "too close" to their story.

So why do I say all of this?? First of all because I want to share where my heart is at right now but also because I know I'm not the only one who struggles with fear. The more I talk to people, especially women, the more I realize I'm not alone. Satan is assaulting women of all ages and he uses fear to do it. We can't let him paralyze us and keep us from the adundant life.

For me, right now, at almost 12 weeks pregnant, I make a choice to trust the Lord. It's been a struggle for me at times. Its still a struggle. I don't want to buy maternity clothes yet because what if....? I don't want to shop for baby furniture because what if...? I can't even think about a baby shower because what if...?

"I will have no fear of bad news. MY heart is steadfast TRUSTING the Lord." Psalm 112:7

I will not let Satan steal my joy. Could something bad happen?Yes, but I choose to trust the Lord. Today I'm going to enjoy this pregnancy (minus the nausea, digestion problems, bloating, headache, etc.) and I'm going to let the Lord take care of tomorrow. He's already there!

So I'm sure I will continue to over analyze every pain I have or feeling I get but I will have no fear of bad news because my trust is in the Lord. I'm not in control, no matter how hard I try to be. This is very easy for me to type but sometimes I don't "feel" it. It's in those times we just keep trusting.

Maui Style

I gave Josh his anniversary gift yesteday...a little late.

You can go here to be reminded of their significance. A friend at work just returned from Hawaii so I asked her to pick them up. Needless to say Josh was VERY excited about them. If he wants anymore he's going to have to take me back to Hawaii to get them.

The Big Game

This past weekend was "the big game." The game all Razorback fans have been looking forward to for a while. It was even sweeter going in as the #10 team playing the #1 team. There was so much hype and excitement all week long leading up the the event. I was so excited and nervous I could hardly stand it. After work on Friday Josh and I grabbed our tickets and head to Clarksville/Lamar.

We went and saw Josh's grandpa who has been in the hospital and then we went to dinner with two of his cousins and their wives. Josh and I don't get to see his family as often as we'd like to so it was great to spend time with them.

Tillman and Camden eating the lemon out of my cup.

Josh, Nathan, and Tanner

Amy and baby Whit

Sweet Emersyn...who's birthday happens to be April 16th, my due date.

We had a lot of fun at dinner. Josh and his cousins are all close in age so when we get together its always a good time. Sometimes I wish we lived closed so we could see each other more. I'm so thankful Josh and I are blessed with great families. After dinner we headed to Josh's mom's house and stayed up talking with her and his sister for a while. It was nice being able to catch up. We couldn't stay up too late though because we had to be up early the next day for GAME DAY! We met my parent's at my sister's house and headed up the "hill". The weather was really nice and cool. What a relief. It was perfect for tailgating.

Mom and Dad

My Cute Hubby

Me and my swollen face...how does that happen so early in pregnancy?? UGH!

We all sat around for a while then we went to pick up Charlie's Chicken and head up to our next tailgate spot. My parent's friends always have a happening tailgate and its a lot of fun to see so many people.

Here's part of the group at one time during the day.

What's a tailgate without the hog call?

WPS!!

We had a visit from my friend Shannon and her parents. When I was in Fayetteville Jerry and Cozelle were parents to me up there. I just love them tons and I was thrilled to get to see them.

Soon enough the time had come for us to clean up and head to the stadium. At this point I started getting really nervous. I could hardly think straight.

Josh lent a helping hand. He's so nice! :) Eventually I drug Josh away from being so helpful so we could go to our seats. Our seats were farther away than everyone else's so we needed to hit the road. On our walk over I notice the lawn outside the stadium was packed.

If you sit up high enough you can see the game without having to buy a ticket. There were people everywhere.

Finally we were in our seats

...Home of the Razorbacks. Its good to be home. The pregame was a lot of fun.

We got to see the Goodyear Blimp.

We called the HOGS!

The band played.

I love our band. Here they are in their "U of A" formation. But then we had a great surprise! Our ROTC organized for there to be parachute jumpers. One would bring the American Flag, another would bring the Arkansas flag, and the last one would bring the game ball.

The American Flag was first.

The Arkansas flag was second.

The game ball was last. WOOHOO!

Next, the BAMA players came filing out and I proceeded to yell "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Oh don't judge, you know you do it too! But that's ok because when the opponents come out it only means one thing is about to happen...

...the hogs are about to make their presence known by...

...running through the sacred "A". GO HOGS! Let the game begin.

And what pregame ritual is complete without the exploding of the opponent's helmet by all the little razorbacks. I feel tears forming in my eyes at the thought of it.

The first half of the game was great! I mean there were some unfortunate mistakes but regardless we owned the game and Nick Saban and crew were quite flustered. Loved it! There are few people I like less than Nick. Bless his heart.

Half time score.

Unfortunately my little Razorbacks had a hard time playing all 4 quarters. The defense was on the field way too long and the offense just couldn't connect. And why Mallet, with his freak of an arm, couldn't get the ball out of bounds (instead it went into the hands of a Bama player) I'll never know. Although I'm partial I do believe we were the better team. Had we played the way we SHOULD have there would have been a different outcome. And Mark Ingram, I know you aren't reading this, but shame on you and the way you acted in the last few seconds of the game! I had a great view of your irrational behavior. I'm sure you were mad that you only had one big run on our defense all day. I mean being the Heisman winner and all I'm sure you expected more but seriously, settle down. Your team was about to win the game so your outburst (I'm sure it was somewhat provoked) was uncalled for.

Final Score. Good job, Alabama! You won the game and for that I commend you. You did play hard and I know us loud fans didn't make it easy for you. I even lost my voice as a result. Anyway, I would like for you to win every other game for the rest of the season. If you beat us I want you to beat them all. However, if that's not going to happen please lose to LSU and Auburn so when we beat both of them we'll still go to the SEC Championship. Thank a bunch!

To my beloved Razorbacks, I still love you! I'd like for you to keep your head in the game for the duration and if you do that you'll be unstoppable. Mallet, shake it off. Interceptions happen and you can't help it if your receivers drop some balls. Stay strong and do what you do best. Hocker, (that's our field goal and extra point kicker) thank you for making field goals and extra points and giving the fans and the players some confidence. You've been a long time coming.

Until next time...WOOOOOOO PIG SOOOIE!!!!!!!!!!!

I've Never Been A Good Test Taker

The first week of August, August 4th to be exact, was the day I took my first pregnancy test. It was still "early" but I had gotten such a good deal on pregnancy tests that I had several to play with. And I had also bought two dollar store tests for fun too. So that Wednesday morning I woke up early and very nervously took my first test. The second line was very faint so I thought for sure that I wasn't pregnant. I didn't realize, or believe, that two lines of any color was a good sign. I went to work nervous and unsure so at lunch I went home and took another test. Still another faint line but this line was a littler darker than the one earlier that morning.

Still, even after another "positive" test I still wasn't convinced. I guess I just didn't dream that we could actually be pregnant. So what does any normal person do?? I woke up the next morning (Thursday) and took another test (ok...so I took two, I tried one of the dollar store tests as well). Again, still another pink line and it is definitely darker than the other two.

Here are all three of them lined up (the lines were easier to see in person). At this point one would conclude that I was, indeed, pregnant. I, however, kept thinking I had done something wrong. I've never been a good test taker so what would lead me to believe that these tests would be any different?! I decided to splurge a little and get a different test that would leave no doubt in my mind. So Thursday after work I took ONE MORE test and this is what I got...



YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I got a YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHOA! I wasn't sure what to think or feel. I was just in shock! We didn't want to tell our parent's for a while because it was still so early. I had a nice plan in my head of how I wanted to tell them but it didn't work that way. When I was about 4 weeks pregnant I started having some pain on my left side. It wasn't severe so I wasn't really worried but decided to let the doctor know just in case. The nurse asked me a several questions and based on my answers she decided I needed to come in for an ultrasound...at 4 weeks, 3 days pregnant. I agreed because clearly I wasn't going to tell the nurse no. I went in that afternoon and just as we thought it was too early to see anything. They could tell there was something in my uterus but it was still too early to rule out a tubal pregnancy (which is what they wanted to check for). I went back for another ultrasound 10 days later. I was so nervous going in to it. I hadn't been having any more pain but still I was so nervous. I had prayed that the Lord would let me see a heartbeat too. I knew it was early and sometimes you can see them and sometimes you can't. Once the tech got me all set up she immediately said, "Well, there's a baby with a heartbeat." I was so relieved! She even went on to say the heart had JUST started beating. The Lord knew I needed that and I'm confident He allowed it to beat for me! She checked everything else out and then let me go see my doctor. At that point my doctor wasn't worried and so I was set to come back in 2 weeks.

After I my appointment where I saw the heartbeat I was meeting my mom for lunch. She had no idea where I had been. I was going to try and wait but I was so excited that I had to tell her. I started off by telling her I found someone to teach her smocking lessons. I've been telling her she needed to learn how to do that so I could sew cute things for when I have kids. She was excited that a friend of ours was going to teach her and she wouldn't have to go to a class. I proceeded to tell her that I didn't care when she learned just as long as she learned before April 16th. Then she looked at me and asked if I was pregnant. YES!! I am! So she cried...and I took her picture.

The only problem with telling my mom so soon is that she was going to have to keep it from my dad. Bless his heart, he can't keep a secret to save his life. And since my regular appointment wasn't until I was around 8 weeks I certainly didn't want anyone else knowing. So I allowed her to tell her two best friends but she had to swear them to secrecy. It was hard for us all to keep it from my dad but we made it!

Josh and I went to the doctor on September 8 for my regular scheduled appointment. This was Josh's first time to go with me. Again, for whatever reason, I was soooo nervous! I think I will be nervous before every appointment. We went in, and soon we were in the ultrasound room with the doctor. As soon as she had a picture up I could see the heart beating...at 179 I might add. A very high heart beat. The doctor said everything looked great. She took a few pictures and told us since the baby is still so small and we can't really see much she's going to do another US at 12 weeks. OH HOW MUCH I LOVE HER FOR THAT!!!! I do love my doctor and so does Josh. She is about my parent's age, she's real cute, and I just feel comfortable with her. I trust her and that's a great feeling.

Since our 8 week appointment went well my mother all but begged me to tell my dad. She was so worried she was going to slip and she was just ready to be able to talk to him about it. So, that Friday she arranged for us to all meet for dinner. It was real casual and nonchalant so he didn't suspect a thing. While we were waiting on our food he was messing with his blackberry. I took that opportunity to get the pictures from my purse and toss it over at him. He couldn't believe it. He thought for sure I was joking him and wanted to see my name on the ultrasound picture. Finally, with much convincing he believed us and he was soooo happy.

(Sorry, took this picture on my phone so its not the best quality)

I must say that my dad did really well at keeping our secret for 10 whole days. I'm still amazed. Monday, September 20th Josh called and told his mom the good news. We wanted so bad to do it in person but since they don't live here it just didn't work out. We're celebrating with them soon though. And of course she and his sister are VERY thrilled!

Tuesday, September 21st was our official reveal date and I was so excited. I had cookies made (as you know) and Josh and I took them to work and I took them to my sewing class. Since then I've been overwhelmed with all the sweet words people have shared with us. I know it is still early in this pregnancy (I'll be 11 weeks tomorrow) but I'm trusting that with everyone knowing it means there are more prayers for our little one. So thank you in advance for that! We are very excited about the coming weeks. We pray that God continues to grow this baby and that in mid-April we'll be parents for the first time.

Thank you!!!

Thank you to everyone for all of the blog comments, tweets, Facebook posts, and emails congratulating us. We feel very blessed. I hope to be able to print them all out so I can put them in the baby book. :) We're so overwhelmed and honored that so many of you are excited with us. I will be sure and post more details soon when I can get this pesky headache to go away! In the mean time please just pray for God to continue to grow a healthy baby inside of me!! Thanks again!! You all mean so much to us!

Sweet Surprise

Two Years Ago Today...

... Josh and I were married.

Happy Anniversary to my favorite person in the whole world. This has been the best two years of my life. I love you!

More Items

Here are a few of my latest creations.

Reversible Jon-Jon
The other side

Pillow case dresses for twins...who are very different in size but BOTH so cute.

Jewelry Pouch

Lining

Stay tuned because in the next few weeks I'm going to post some pictures of the adorable little people who are wearing some of the things I've made. I can't wait for you to see how cute they are. Also, I should probably let you know that although I AM still taking orders I'm probably booked up for at least a month.

Lunch Date

Last Friday I had lunch with these two lovies...

Amelia and Jill

This was my first time actually meeting Amelia and she is just precious! I could take her home with me in a heartbeat. And of course I always enjoy my time with Jill. She's hilarious and so much fun to be around. Can't wait to do it again soon, ladies!

Game Day

This post is super late but I figure you aren't surprised!! September 4th was the Razorback opener in Fayetteville. Josh, my dad, and I headed to my sister's house on Friday night. We wanted to have plenty of time on Saturday to get ready for the game. What better way to start a game day than with breakfast at Cracker Barrel?!

Dad and Mom
Granny, Me, Josh

My sister was there too but the only pictures I have of her are with her foster daugther. Since there are rules about taking pictures of foster children I'll refrain from posting them on my blog. We sure did have fun with her over the weekend though.

After breakfast and a Walmart run we headed up to "The Hill" aka Fayetteville. The weather was glorious! We couldn't have asked for better weather! Our plan was to sit at my parent's spot for a while then head up to their friends spot across from the stadium.

I should add here that at one point my mom and I walked to Charlie's chicken to get some lunch. I LOVE CHARLIE'S CHICKEN and I miss is so much. It was as good as I remember.

Tusk 3 made his debut at this game. It sad to see the passing of Tusk 2 but I know we're all in good hands.

Unfortunately those are all the pictures I took...I know, I know. I went back and forth on whether or not to take my camera but I didn't want to take a purse so it would have been a hassle. And since Josh and I will be back at several more games I'll take more pictures then.

When we left here we headed up to see friends and had a great time. Before we knew it, it was game time. Things didn't start out so well but luckily the Hogs got in their groove and made some things happen. I'm REALLY nervous about our game this weekend with Georgia. I love Georgia but I'm hoping we have a BIG WIN!

For an added bonus I wanted to include a picture of the meal my parent's made for Josh and I on Labor Day...

It was DIVINE!! I'll have another, please!