Fear....it's something I've struggled with for a while. I remember dealing with it to some degree when I was younger. As I aged I became mature enough to talk myself out irrational thoughts and the fears just went away. They would creep up in different forms throughout high school and college but again I felt like I had fear under control. I used scripture and the truths in God's word to remind me that fear wasn't of God but of the devil. When Josh and I began dating and eventually marry I felt fear take root in my heart like never before. All through our relationship I could sense Satan against us (one reason I knew he was the one for me) and fear became his best weapon. All of a sudden I had more to lose. "What if..." this and "What if..." that? Now that my heart was tied to another person if something happened to him, bam, fear sets in. I prayed hard through these feelings. And the Lord gave me a verse that has become my life line:
"He (I) will have no fear of bad news. His (My) heart is steadfast trusting the Lord." Psalm 112: 7
God has been faithful and through lots of prayer and reciting this verse (and others) over and over I felt freed from fear. Sure, there'd be a thought creep up from time to time but I was no longer plagued by it. Whew! What a relief.
Fast forward to now...here I am pregnant...and you guessed it, fear! Thank goodness this isn't my first rodeo so I feel more able to stand up against the devil's schemes. But honestly the fear began before we even got pregnant.
- What if I can't get pregnant?
- What if my body is tricking me into thinking I'm pregnant?
- What if I miscarry?
- What if I go in for an US and there's no heartbeat?
- What if the baby is sick?
- What if I carry the baby full term and it doesn't live?
- And honestly, there's a "what if" for everything...
The thing about these fears is not that they are so far fetched that they could never happen. No, these are realities for some people and some of these people I know personally. Blogs, Twitter, Facebook, etc remind us that there are lots of really good people going through some really bad things! On any given day you'll see a tweet or a blog post asking you to pray for someone who is going through tragic circumstances. On one hand Facebook, Twitter, and blogs have made it easier to get thousands of people to pray together for God to move or heal or whatever the situation. That part is awesome. I confess though, most times I have to pray for those people without clicking on their blogs or websites. Sometimes an unhealthy fear creeps in my mind if I get "too close" to their story.
So why do I say all of this?? First of all because I want to share where my heart is at right now but also because I know I'm not the only one who struggles with fear. The more I talk to people, especially women, the more I realize I'm not alone. Satan is assaulting women of all ages and he uses fear to do it. We can't let him paralyze us and keep us from the adundant life.
For me, right now, at almost 12 weeks pregnant, I make a choice to trust the Lord. It's been a struggle for me at times. Its still a struggle. I don't want to buy maternity clothes yet because what if....? I don't want to shop for baby furniture because what if...? I can't even think about a baby shower because what if...?
"I will have no fear of bad news. MY heart is steadfast TRUSTING the Lord." Psalm 112:7
I will not let Satan steal my joy. Could something bad happen?Yes, but I choose to trust the Lord. Today I'm going to enjoy this pregnancy (minus the nausea, digestion problems, bloating, headache, etc.) and I'm going to let the Lord take care of tomorrow. He's already there!
So I'm sure I will continue to over analyze every pain I have or feeling I get but I will have no fear of bad news because my trust is in the Lord. I'm not in control, no matter how hard I try to be. This is very easy for me to type but sometimes I don't "feel" it. It's in those times we just keep trusting.
20 comments:
I came acoss your blog blog hopping, and just had to comment on this post! I am due April 20 and I have had the same fears as well and let bad thoughts creep into my head. Thanks for your openness and letting me see that someone else feels the same way I do. I too am focusing on trusting in the Lord and am praying to "Fear Not" as well.
What a great post that each person who reads this can take something from. We all struggle with fear to some extent!!! But we know what his word says. He has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and a sound mind!!!!
Oh man, this hit me right between the eyes!! I SO struggle with this! I got married last year and one of my biggest fears is infertility. I have NO reason to fear that!!! I keep imaginging Jesus calming the sea and saying fear not!! Thanks for the reminder!
Amen.
Wow. You could be talking about me in this post, too. Everything you said has been the same for me. Fear. Fear of losing my hubby. Fear of losing this baby. Fear of something being wrong. Thank you for this today! Sometimes it feels good to not be alone and to be reminded of God's promises!
Oh girl! I know this feeling all to well. I have had all those same fears as you. What I have learned (which probably isn't much) is that there is always something we can fear. Once your pregnancy is over you will have all those natural mother fears. You will worry constantly about your child. It's something that I daily have to chose to give over to God. I love the verse you shared! I'm going to memorize that one to use when I am fearing things. Thanks for sharing!
I am so excited about seeing you at Kelly's recital!!
Hi! I found your blog through Kelly's Korner, and have been a stalker until today. Your post spoke so much to me. I too have always struggled with fear and it's comforting to know I'm not crazy!!!
I, too, struggle with these issues. Thanks for the reminder we're not alone and have a God who loves us enough to carry us through. :-)
First off, CONGRATS on baby!!! I loved this post...it really spoke to my heart and helped me see I'm not alone. Thank you and I am trusting the Lord with you!
I know exactly how you feel. My daughter is 15 months and I am an RN in a pediatric ICU. So I see all of the bad things that can happen to kids and I am constantly worried. Satan definitely plays on that in my life.
I didn't even take pictures of myself until I was in my 2nd trimester for fear of me miscarrying and I definitely regret it. SO I had to remind myself that God was in control and Satan was not! And each day I had to say "TODAY I'm pregnant & that's good enough!" Good luck to you!
www.thesweetpfamily.blogspot.com
Wow. I have been a lurker enjoying reading your blog but today I need to comment. You could be talking about me. I have learnt as I've got older not to "what if" so much but I was plagued in my 20's and 30's and probably didn't enjoy life as much as I could have. I wanted to control everything out of fear and now I realize that God has everything covered and it has freed me so much. Thanks for the post and congrats on your pregnancy. I look forward to reading about your expanding family.x
I think honestly, that everybody has some fears like these, but we just don't say it out loud. I will be praying for you, sweet Hillary-that you will feel God's peace through this whole pregnancy. Thank you for sharing this today!! I loved that verse! :)
God's timing is always right on! I was just talking to a friend the other day about dealing with fears. It seems like our world is becoming smaller through blogs, facebook, and twitter so we hear stories of tragedy more often. This can breed fear in my heart...not of God...and I don't like living that way. I constantly have to remind myself to trust the Lord and His plan...that He will provide the grace needed for whatever circumstances I face. With the court hearing for our little man only one week away the enemy is definitely trying to make fearful of the outcome. The verse you shared is perfect! I've read it before but I will be memorizing it for sure. Thanks, Hillary!
Thank you.
I needed to stumble upon your blog tonight.
It's is JUST what I needed to read tonight.
Thank you.
Great post, I am a "what if" girl too....I also read blogs and think if it could happen to them, it could happen to me. I work every day to combat the fear and enjoy the day, the time with my 2 year old son, but it is hard.
Thank you so much for being open. The verse in Psalms is just what I needed to hear. I am nine weeks pregnant today and VERY anxious about everything. I am a nurse and let me just tell ya, I daily have to focus on not letting the fear win and remembering to enjoy this time. This is the only time that I will have my sweet baby to myself!
Well you just hit the nail on the head! I have a tendency to fear, too. I had MAJOR fear/anxiety issues for a while in college. I think the worst part is that you know it's irrational, but you're still thinking it anyway. I love your verse and there are countless others that I recite when I'm fearful. You are definitely not alone! God is in control and I am praying for you and your sweet baby! So fun being pregnant with you! : )
I have been reading your blog for the a long while now, but never posted. But let me tell you...thank you for articulating exactly what I feel every. single. day. There are some days where I just have a total feeling of anxiety and I don't even know why. I have a great man in my life, and even though there are NO indications that he would ever leave me, I still feel so anxious about it sometimes.
2 weeks ago, he proposed. And now I feel like I have even more to lose.
But, like you said, I have to remember that is only Satan trying to draw my attention away from Him.
Thank you for your honest words!
I have never heard this verse before, but it will become my mantra, that's for sure! :)
thank you for sharing your heart and for articulating what so many of us feel on a daily basis. i agree with many of the other commenters that there are always things we can fear. while pregnant, i had many of the same fears, and all the "what if's" that you mention, but it wasn't like as soon as i had the baby, that fear disappeared. nope, it just transformed itself into another area (what if my baby..., what if i'm not a good mother, etc). fear is something that i have to daily give to Him or else it will consume my heart and my mind and that is not how i want to live! thank you again for sharing this wonderful verse and your relatable experiences!
Great post - thank you!
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