Some times I hesitate sharing certain things "out loud" because I know as sure as I do I will be tested on it. I shouldn't be afraid of the tests because they keep me accountable for what I say and do but sometimes I am.
A few weeks ago I posted this about how faithful MY God is. He is, I believe that. Only now I'm being tested on whether or not I will walk in that truth.
Few things stress me our more than finances. I am the keeper of the finances in our house so I know when we have it and when we don't. When praying about whether or not I should quit my job our financial situation was a huge factor in that. I probably worked through our budget 10 times to see how it could work. I finally had it to where almost all our budget items would be covered. I was "willing" to trust God for the few things that weren't. As if I shouldn't trust Him for all of it anyway. Arrogant me. There was a certain amount of money I needed to make that would primarily cover our health insurance. We had insurance through my work so that has been our biggest challenge. After calling around and getting quotes we found one that I could afford to pay for and we went with it. At this point we felt great about me leaving my full time job and working part time so that's when we decided I would turn in my resignation letter.
This past Thursday I received a letter. It simply stated that we had been approved for insurance. Yea. That's great news. But wait, there's some not so great news. Our policy would cost us an EXTRA $300 a month more than what they told us. What?!?!?!?!?!?!?! How come no one told me this was a possibility?! Shouldn't they have mentioned this might happen when I first called about it?!?! My heart dropped when I read this. Anxiety immediately took over and I was stressed. VERY STRESSED. I sent out a text to my friends because I needed to share my stress.
I felt so hopeless. How on earth could we make this work? To be honest, I still don't know and I'm still stressed. BUT I do know that what I posted a couple of weeks ago is still true. Even though my situation changes God doesn't change. I keep telling myself that God knew this was going to happen. He knew the letter would come AFTER we had made the decision for me to quit and work part time. I have to wonder if that's because had I received the letter before I might have chickened out of leaving my job. I'm so glad I didn't know this was going to happen because I needed to leave my job. That was the right thing to do. And I am excited about my new job and being able to spend more time with Sadie. I know it's the right job for me.
So, now what?! I have no idea. I have no idea how this is going to work out. I have no idea how we're going to be able to afford health insurance. It seems impossible. What I do know is that Josh and I are going to do the best we can with what we have, I will probably start sewing again, maybe have a yard sale and sell everything we own, :) and trust that God will provide. I know He hasn't brought us this far only to abandon us now.
MY God IS Faithful.